Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
