After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
