Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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