I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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