What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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