I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
