I need help removing her.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
