both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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