I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
