Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
