Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
