i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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