Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I deserve this hangover.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
