the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize