i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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