just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
