I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
