dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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