is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize