I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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