I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why do cheetos always look like penises
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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