Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
