he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
