I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
