I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
