question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize