i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
