I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
