i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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