my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
