I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
