Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
