was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
