why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
