i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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