That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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