I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
