is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
