I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
