You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize