My Higher Power is John Stamos
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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