Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
