I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
