Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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