Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
