She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
