as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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