now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
