If that was your dad, he is hot
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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