bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
