Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
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