people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
