Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize