I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
