The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize