i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
