You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
