he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize