Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The air taste purple.
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