I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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